(Written by Edde X Gamester; Edited by Edde X Gamester; Illustrations by Edde X Gamester)
INTRODUCTION, by Edde X Gamester
I have known Edde X Gamester since birth and, to my knowledge, he has never once had the decency to… [Remainder of introduction removed by Edde X Gamester in 2013, on grounds of slander and copyright infringement.]
EDDE X GAMESTER:
Lover, writer, occasional fighter. Life bodger, bullet dodger, jolly roger – a man of sins, whims and whisky grins. Twice as fast as a spinning sixpence and worth almost half as much.
Writes literary cheques that ten of his asses couldn’t cash if they pawned all their stuff, sold their souls and remortgaged all the houses they don’t own. Wears jeans more often than people expect.
Will lift something for you if you ask politely. Will lift something for you if you ask impolitely. Will lift you if you don’t ask him to lift something else quickly enough.
Shoots first, asks questions later…then shoots again. Sends follow-up questions in the mail.
Man of many talents, including yodelling, bareback riding and the ability to exaggerate how many talents he possesses. Can recite Old Norse poetry. Cannot say with confidence which day of the week it is.
Sees a thing – jumps it.
A silly person. HE WHO SHOULD NOT BE. The similarity between the sounds made by a startled giraffe and a recently estranged mongoose. The cape that billows. A single boot print in otherwise flawless snowfall, which makes you think “…but how?”
Doer of walks. Speaker of talks. Popper of corks. Formed a band, broke his hand, fled the land. Sometimes fun, sometimes glum – never trusted around the rum.