Life Changing?

I have received a written report following my check-up with a Gold Medalist physician. It turns out he recommends I stop doing everything that makes me who I am, including drinking beer and lifting things.

I response, I went to the gym…and deadlifted the biggest thing I have ever lifted. It weight 210kg, which is only 15kg off my target of 225kg.

The physician strongly recommends I avoid the following from now on: bread, pizza, cheese, mushrooms, coffee, chocolate, sweets, cake, fizzy drinks and beer.

My normal diet is: breakfast coffee, some kind of sandwhich-based lunch, a dinner of pasta with cheese or pizza, followed by lots of cake.

Instead, he recommends I try a breakfast of carrot, apple and ginger juice, followed by water and herbal tea. His recommended lunch is vegetable soup and dinner is salad and fish.

He says I should definitely completely stop punching things and cut down on the amount of heavy lifting I do, replacing it with stretching and long walks in the fresh air.

I hit and lift things on 4 out of every 7 evenings of my life. I dislike walking. Especially walking for an extended period of time.

Needless to say, I shall not be paying any heed. My well researched counter-argument is as follows:

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW, what a Ride!” – this has been attributed to far too many people for me to care who actually said it first.

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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