Match Time! Kinda.

Today, I have been told that the Cairns Trinity Beach Bulldogs have put me on their team for tonight’s match against Cairns City Lions.

I suspect they are simply one man short of a full team. (If that sounds like a euphemism for being crazy, I stick by it entirely).

Still, the Guild knows no fear and tradition demands I go about this the same way I do everything. With reckless, shameless disregard for…well, everything I suppose!

I arrive early, to change. “Are you ready?” a player asks. Of course I am. How much more prepared could I be? After all, I spent a entire HOUR learning how to play this game last night. I am aflame with new experience points to spend. This night, I LEVEL UP!

I admit it, I am slightly nervous. I still haven’t ever seen a match of Aussie Rules, I’ve never made a tackle – I’ve never even seen a tackle being made! All in all, this is likely to be a total clusterfuck.

But still I can’t wait – this is why I write this blog and do these things after all! This is going to ROCK!


Update: As I went to get changed, they found somebody to fill my role. He was sitting on the bench, apparently there to watch the match. It would seem the captain of the reserves decided he’d rather have literally anybody in the general area on the team rather than me.

I was offered the chance to run water for the match, which I declined. I wouldn’t even know how to do that correctly.

I spent the rest of the night watching the games, drinking beer and losing my wallet. I eventually found the wallet (or rather, somebody else did). I did not, however, find the motivation to go back to training next week. It’s one thing to not play – it’s another to be told you are playing, drive down for the match and then be pulled off the team 30 minutes beforehand.

Although the reserve team lost, the first team won for the first time in over a year, which was cause for much celebration all around. They are all lovely guys, they made me feel welcome and they worked really hard – they deserve some good news!

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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