Paul McCartney Fronts Nirvana!!! (But Actually Doesn’t. At All.)

This is the epitome of why new media (or social media, or indeed the world in general) needs to sit on a hundred dicks and cut its own face off. This is what every single news outlet said prior to this performance (and for some reason continues to say):

MCCARTNEY TO REPLACE COBAIN!

THE AGING BEATLE WHO DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHO NIRVANA WERE WILL PLAY THE ROLE OF ICONIC GRUNGE FRONT MAN, KURT COBAIN, IN A BLASPHEMOUS ANAL PILLAGE OF A NIRVANA REUNION GIG! WILL HE BE AN ADEQUATE REPLACEMENT? THIS OVERPAID WANKER WITHOUT A SINGLE WELL-INFORMED OPINION SAYS “HELL NO!”

In reality, of course, that wasn’t even close to resembling the truth. Nirvana didn’t do a reunion gig (in the slightest), nobody ‘replaced’ Kurt Cobain and McCartney knew exactly who Nirvana were; he just didn’t realise he was jamming with three former members all at once on the first occasion.

What actually happened was four legendary musicians played a song together, at a charity fund raising event for people whose lives had been devastated by a natural disaster. In my opinion, that’s entirely brilliant. Especially when one of those musicians is a lifelong inspiration to three of the others…

But no – this perfectly acceptable, enjoyable and heart warming event was immediately cut to pieces and poisoned by the constant stream of vacuous bullshit that makes up the media, apparently for the sake of getting a few thousand people to skim-read a badly-written article and fly into a pointless and entirely unjustified rage.

It’s like KFC or McDonalds for the heart and mind. Fast Emotion.

Can’t be bothered to form a decent opinion? Created a life for yourself that is too tedious to stimulate any genuine emotion? Too stupid and lazy to make your own judgements on entirely inconsequential situations? Never fear! Popular Demand presents…New Media!

That’s right, folks; we take unrelated facts, cobble them together in a shamelessly inaccurate manner and present them to you in an explosion of distracting sensationalism, for your immediate disgust and outrage!

Don’t worry; every time you realise we spout nothing but total bullshit based on the flimsiest possible evidence, we’ll distract you with EVEN MORE BULLSHIT, so you never feel bad about yourself, or question your gut reactions to exaggerated nonsense!

After all, why should you have to take time out from watching fucking X-Factor to switch on your steadily deteriorating mental faculties? Life is hard and tiring and boo hoo hoo – take a load off, champ. New Media.

Fuck it entirely…he said on his blog…after doing his job…as an online content writer. HA! Also, check out my tags for this post – shameless and hypocritical, eh? Pathetic.

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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