It’s that time of year again. Time to make the hardest phone call:
“Hello, Lolita. Yes, it’s me. I know I don’t call you very often, but it has been too long and it’s getting uncomfortable, especially at night when I’m trying to sleep. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to ask you to do, but you’re the only one I trust to be…discrete.
OK, I’ll let you take control if you insist, but just…please don’t go too far. What you did to me last time made me feel little embarrassed… I find this all quite awkward anyway; having to wash in your special sink beforehand, giving you my money when the deed is done and then leaving whilst I’m still wet – it’s all just a bit humiliating.
God, this call is always tough. Why do I feel so nervous? I mean, even my closest friends and family didn’t notice or comment last time and, when I finally told them what I’d done, they acted supportive…
Yet I always felt like I looked bad… I thought people were laughing behind my back. Just like every time before, I swore I’d learn from my mistakes and not let things get out of control again!
But I can’t help it. I can’t deny the state I’m in and I won’t be content until you’ve worked your magic on me. I know you’re busy – you do as many women as men these days – but when do you think you can fit me in?
Not until Friday?! Ah fuck it, I’ll go to Tony and Guy.”