Training for the Three Peaks

As Champion of Murderbeers, my responsibilities are vast ‎and never-ending. Quash a rebellion here, fend off the Ice Giants there; if it’s not killing one thing, it’s conquering another.

So, when the Emperor looked out from Murder Mount and realised that England, Scotland and Wales ALL have taller mountains than he does…he ordered me to go and claim them for Murderbeers. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Luckily, I won’t be going alone. The Grand Vizier made the mistake of sneering with glee when I was ordered out into the sodden wastelands of the United Kingdom, so the Emperor has sent him along with me! Together, we will trudge 26 miles of muddy path, ascend 10,000 feet of cold stone and drive 1000 miles of tedious motorway, to claim the Three Peaks in the name of Murderbeers!

However, even we – Murderbeers Fight Squad – aren’t foolish enough to attempt the Three Peaks without training. We all know mountains are essentially just large rocks, or collections of smaller stones. To overcome them, therefore, we need to train ourselves to conquer rocks…

So we slapped on some rock n’ roll and practised lifting Atlas Stones. Perhaps we’ll lift the sky…

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About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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  1. broadfordbrewer Reply

    “But they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

  2. Pingback: Caveman Press. » Archive » Training for the Three Peaks

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