I Want To Climb Trolltunga

1100 metres above sea level, jutting out 700 metres above lake Ringedalsvatnet in Western Norway…is Trolltunga. I want to go there…and caper. Here is why.

For one thing, its name means Troll’s Tongue in Norwegian. If that isn’t enough to make you want to ascend it, you’re in the wrong place and there is already a warrant out for you immediate en-awesomeing.

For another thing, it looks like THIS:

Trolltunga

For a third and final thing (because all good things come in threes: Crème Eggs, Billy Goats Gruff and rhyming triplets, for example), Trolltunga is in an area called Handanger. That’s right, Hard Anger. Or Hard Danger, depending on how you want to interpret it and whether or not you can spell. Either way – BADASS!

Providing you don’t spend all day on the tongue, prancing around like a mad man (thus defeating the very point of climbing Trolltunga, in my opinion), the hike up and down takes around 8-10 hours and ascends roughly 900 metres through the mountains.

That’s a full working day of hiking up a kickass mountain to overlook an even more kickass lake from one of the most kickass rocks with undoubtedly the most kickass name. Compare that to a day in the office and let me know which ass comes up the rosier…

Naturally, I’d much rather climb the sheer rock face but, at this rate, I’m not going to be ready to do that until I’m old enough to make climbing ropes out of my own beard.

Still, it’s an ambition! Now, to see if I can work Norway into my plans…

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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