Want to Lose Weight? Trying Eating Dust.

I need to get fit. Much as I have loved the last 5 months of adventuring, it has not been good for my health.

Too much beer, too many cakes and too long sitting on long-haul transportation has done terrible things to my body. I am fatter than ever before, my muscle has shriveled to the point of uselessness and my cardiovascular system probably resembles a set of bellows.

NEVERTHELESS, this seems like the perfect motivation to improve and become MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER BEFORE! Before I left in March, my training had reached a state of maintenance – I wasn’t really improving at anything, simply staying at the same level of fitness.  

My plan is to go running in the mornings before breakfast, to ensure that I am burning off my fat stores and not just the glucose in my muscles. Then, after feasting mightily throughout the day, I shall hit the gym to push my muscles into regaining their former strength.

With regards to training, I shall mix up a combination of heavy weight training for strength and longer endurance training to ensure I return to a state of moderate athleticism, rather than developing the fairly pointless ability to move heavy objects through strict plains of motion.

My previous diet was mainly meat, beer and cake. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with that and will say a cheery “Fuck you all!” to anybody who would care to lecture me otherwise. Even so, it seems wise to cut down on the crap a little bit until my newly bulging adipose tissue has returned to it’s technically unhealthy level.

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say on this tedious matter. I started my new training today, when my dad took me out for an 11km run. At 62 years of age, he had barely broken a sweat by the time I could no longer breathe, but that’s because he is made of iron.

Sticking to my clumsy lumbering pace, we covered the distance in about 61 minutes – which isn’t that bad, given my disgusting state.

Hopefully I can stick at this for longer than most my attempts to run!  One thing is for sure: if I want to get fit and lose some fat, there can hardly be a better way to do it than trying to keep up with my father!

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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