Britain’s 2nd Strongest
Having accidentally won South England’s strongest natural man (under 80kg) back in April, I found myself in the national finals, against all the champions and qualifiers from across the land. This was to be my first ever two-day competition and my hardest to date. So you might think I’d prepare myself a little…
Regular readers will remember that I did the Southern Qualifiers on a bit of a whim, missed my weight category, and had to sweat out a kilgram of water before we started. So again, you might think I’d pay a bit more attention to my preparation for this – the National finals.
Instead, I flew to Munich for a few days of eating meat, drinking beer and wondering around the BMW #nextgen showcase, test-driving over-priced cars and generally taking advantage of the Guidly I DON’T KNOW WHY I AM HERE all-expenses-paid lifestyle. This made the final 48 hours before the competition a little more stressful than usual, as I desperately attempted to lose my beer n’ meat weight so I didn’t have to exhaust myself on an assault bike on the morn of the finals.
And I did! I weighed in at 80.00kg exactly, which meant I had time to quaff lots of water, devour a rice pudding or two, and generally get my shit together for what was to be the toughest competition of my (admittedly rather young) strongman career.
Day One, Event One: DEADHEFT
Nothing complex here. The weight starts at 220kg, then goes up in 20kg jumps to 260kg, then 10kg jumps until everybody is dead. You jump in whenever you want – heaviest lift wins. Simple. I knew I was never going to win this event because Lewis Blackwood, with whom I had competed twice before, has a significantly better deadlift than I do. Furthermore, I hadn’t done any heavy deadlifting for about nine months or so, after buggering my back in England’s Strongest Man 2018. Even so, I knew I’d place decently – and I did, with an equal personal best of 260kg. I failed 270kg but, with the exception of Lewis who set a record-breaking 280kg lift, nobody else got over 260kg.
260kg: Joint second place with Tommy. Lewis came first.
Day One, Event Two: 50kg Dumbbell Press
Another relatively simple event: get the massive dumbbell from the ground overhead as many times as possible in 75 seconds, using one arm for the press. The major challenge of this event for me was setting it down between reps. You’re not allowed to dump it from the top of the lift, but I was so cautious in my efforts not to get my lifts DQed that I almost cuddled the dumbbell to the ground between reps, instead of lowering it to my shoulder and getting rid of it. It cost me quite a lot of time, which was annoying because I had plenty more reps in me by the time 75 seconds rolled around.
14 reps: second place. Dean and Tommy came joint first.
Day One, Event Three: Farmer’s Carry for Distance
This one was tough. A farmer’s carry is easy enough: grab the handles and carry them as far or as fast as possible. On this event, however, the run was only 10m or so long – but at the end of each run you had to turn around (with 220kg of steel flapping around in your hands) before going back. This is DIFFICULT! Really the event came down to who could turn around the best, without ripping all the skin off their hands or popping a rotator cuff. In the end, I managed to turn around three times and get just a step or two further than Lewis.
Three turns and a bit: third place. Dean came second, Tommy first.
Day One, Event Four: Sack Toss
What’s that? A FOURTH event?! Yeah, it surprised me too. After the farmer’s carry, I couldn’t get up. I’d suffered a ‘buggered’ psoas for most the year leading up to this competition, and trying to spin around with the handles had wrenched it deeply and rendered me legless. Luckily, I was done for the day…or so I thought!
Nope, according to everybody else it was sack time: five sandbags over a very high wire, as fast as humanly possible. This is a very tricky event made even tricker for a man incapable of getting to his feet. Luckily, with the help of a physio, some heat cream and some numbing spray, I hauled myself up, grabbed hold of the first sack and tossed it…directly backwards. The second I extended my hips, my psoas screamed at me and
Fortunately, the shock sparked my adreneline and from, that point on, my body was back in my control. The sacks were 12, 14, 16, 18 and 20kg – and, one by one, they all went over that bloody wire. Nobody else managed to get the 20kg sack over the wire so, although my time wasn’t great, I won the event.
All dem sacks: first place. Tommy came second.
AT LAST I was done. The day had been cripplingly hot and we had all been pissing sweat and boiling to death, while trying desperately to stay hydrated for hours. I drove the hour an a bit home, where I feasted.
I turned up on day two feeling pretty beaten up. My hip flexors were wrecked, my psoas didn’t know what was up, and all my joints had decided they had other plans. But that’s the sport and, in a weird way, I fucking love it.
Day Two, Event One: 90kg Axle Press
A big old axle from the floor to overhead, as many times as possible in 75 seconds. I had been playing around with different styles of cleaning, pressing and jerking axles in training and, on the day, I mixed it up a little. I started with full cleans and push presses, moved on to split jerks once my arms went, and started to continental clean once my lungs were gone. Overall, I should probably have split jerked from the beginning, but I am less familiar with this technique and a lot of competing is about minimising risk to place high in every event.
Little did I know at the time that I was grinding my wrists to dust during this event and wouldn’t be able to place any weight on them for six weeks or so after this event. Woo!
Nine reps: third place. Dean came second, Tommy first.
Day Two, Event Two: 270kg Yoke Carry for Speed
By this point in the comp, I had come 2nd, 2nd, 3rd, 1st and 3rd. With Tommy in the clear lead, I had opened up a bit of a lead ahead of the rest of the guys and, with only stones left (my best event), all I had to do was not totally screw up the yoke carry to come second. Historically, however, I had ALWAYS screwed up the yoke carry. I am fast – and that is the problem. I rush, I trip, I smash myself in the back of the head, I drop it early – you name it, I bugger it up with yoke. So I needed to play it safe this time.
However, as the first guys started their yoke carries – there and back as fast as possible – a problem arose. Literally. The floor started to come up. Any time the yoke clipped the ground, it would catch the rubber matting and pull them up, tangling the yoke and causing all kinds of delays and problems. A very quick run could become a slow one very easily. In fact, even people’ shoes were catching on the floor and screwing things up.
My tactic was thus very clear: go slow and steady. Do. Not. Fuck. Up. For once, that is what I did. I popped that yoke up, strolled it to one end, turned around and strolled it back again. No mistakes, no screw up – but not a lot of speed. It was, by a long way, my most timid and lacklustre strongman performance of all time – but it got the job done.
Fourth place, behind Lewis, Tommy and Dean.
Day Two, Event Three: ATLAS STONES!
Once again, it all came down to stones. My slow yoke and Dean’s powerful performance in the day’s events had closed the gap between us, and Lewis wasn’t too far off either. This time it was 80, 90, 100, 100, 120kg stones to a range of heights as fast as possible – the classic Atlas Stones event.
There isn’t a whole lot to say about it, to be honest. Unlike my careful yoke carry, I went all out on the stones and crushed them faster than anybody else. In honesty, it wasn’t difficult; I could have one-motioned the lot of them, had I less to lose by slipping up.
All dem stones faster than anyone, first place.
So there you have it! After two very long and very hot days of stiff competition, I ended up second – a fair way behind Tommy in first, but otherwise fairly comfortable in the position. What does that mean? It means in a few months time, I’ll have the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS.
dav