Secret Caves and Ullswater

This week, the Guild struck out for the Lake District in search of a secret cave somewhere in the Langstrath Valley.

Simon set out on Tuesday afternoon and picked me up in Sheffield. Even if we couldn’t find the cave that day, we were hoping for a sneak peak into the valley when we arrived. Alas, by the time we had navigated the tiny winding roads of the District, it was dark upon our arrival in Stonethwaite campsite.

Guild BBQ

Never quick to be disheartened, we erected our tents and broke out the BBQ for a feast by the light of the moon. Fish and sausages made up the food, whilst drink came in the form of Kraken rum, the only real fuel an adventurer needs.

The next morning, a fairly early start (for the Guild) allowed us to meander our way through the valley, taking a curious route along by the side of the river. Having no idea where we actually were, we were hoping to find the secret cave on the basis on three clues:

  1. It was in Langstrath Valley. We weren’t sure which this was. When we found it, it turned out to be enormous.
  2. It was above the 300m contour line. We had no map.
  3. It was near to a collapsed crag. We hoped this would be more obvious that it was…

In summary, we had no idea what we were doing. Even so, we carried on our exploration and claimed what turned out to be Blea Rock for the Guild, first as the Fist of the Wrestler then as the Face of the Wrestler.

Frustrated with the near constant rain, we both punched the wrestler on the nose. It didn’t help. As the weather closed in and visibility dropped, we turned and headed back to the campsite. Little did we know, we on the very doorstep of the cave…

We spent the rest of the day conquering Ullswater Lake by canoe, swigging rum and claiming islands for the Guild.

After a fine feast of lamb casserole, we examined further clues as to the whereabouts of the cave. On the upside, we discovered that it was right next to where we had been by a place called Black Moss Pot, where we could do some climbing. On the downside, it looked a little shitty – only really worth finding if you had reason to spend a night there…

Back by our fire with Belgian beer for company, we resolved to spend the next day climbing and finding the cave…but only if the weather gave us a break…

It did not. The rain poured until 11:00 the next morning, when we made haste for breakfast. Deciding that things were not looking up, we headed back to Sheffield instead, where we spent the afternoon lifting weights in a strange old gym.

We did not succeed in our mission. We did, however, feast below the Full Moon, stroll around the valleys, canoe a mighty lake and face the elements in our pursuit of glory.

Thus, the Guild.

About the Author
Ed Gamester is a silly man who lives in the United Kingdom. He is the harbinger of Ghost Squad, singer of Gay Bum and author of A Rum Run Awry. He fights, kills and dies for TV and films, and gallivants around the place wrestling, drinking and lifting things for glory and profit. Where Ed treads, there stamp the boots of the Guild. Ed does not wear glasses, but feels this photograph makes him look more intelligent and artistically talented than he is. Feel free to contact him: he is disappointingly affable.

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