Yes, you read that correctly. A marathon. On ice. Why? Because I'd never done a marathon before and would probably never do one again, so I might as well make it memorable: by doing it on frozen lake in Norway, as part of the World Ice Running Championships. Thus, the Oarsman! We drove from O...
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This week, I flew back to Copenhagen to finish my tattoo at the mighty Meatshop. The plan was for three more days of dotwork (two black and one colour), followed by a fourth day when Vikki would get her back-piece finished. I knew I was in for a rough few days. But exactly how rough...? I...
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Today, I am getting tattooed. I don't know the design yet. In fact, there isn't one. Thus, the Guild. I am also in Denmark, in a shop owned by my favourite tattoo artist: a man whose work Vikki and I found entirely independently when showing each other some of our favourite pieces whilst in ...
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Vikki and I spent this weekend in Belfast. Neither of us had been there before and, seeing as she had to be there on Monday morning for work anyway, it made sense to take the opportunity to check it out. Our flight, however, was at 07:00 from Manchester. We live in Sheffield. Needless to say, whe...
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As of this weekend, it has been six months since I met Vikki on Khaosan Road, Bangkok. To celebrate, we decided to spend the weekend in the Lake District. In a Romany Gypsy Caravan. Because...well it should be obvious, really. Frankly, the fact that most people don't spend most their time in gyps...
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It's January again; the time of year when everybody 'resolves' to do something life-changing. Normally, this is because a few days of summarising our annual news for friends and family forces us to acknowledge our own inactivity and apathy, which immediately disgusts us and makes us want to chang...
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Everybody knows that we Guildsmen honour the Full Moon and, in return, are blessed with twice our normal strength beneath its glow (when it bothers coming out from behind the clouds). I am not a man prone to 'freaking', but when I discovered that January-2014's Full Moon (the Wolf Moon) lands exa...
Continue reading ...We have two goals for my final day in Poland: 1. Visit Memento Park to see statues from communist Budapest. 2. Pilgrimage to the statue of a man punching a hydra. We get up early, ten litres of beer from the night before still sloshing around in our bodies. Matt has damaged his toe by stubbing ...
Continue reading ...The heat is ridiculous. Sweat pours down our bodies as we traipse across Budapest to our new hostel. By the time we arrive, we are sodden and exhausted. The hostel man greets us. What's that? The room we're staying is on the other side of the city? By the train station? Where we just walked...
Continue reading ...We leave Hostel Relax three hours earlier than the day before and head straight for the baths. The underground changing rooms are a teeming, squirming mass of humanity. We deposit our things in one of the rows upon row of lockers, linked by slippery walkways, and push our way up the stairs. Summo...
Continue reading ...We wake up late, groggy from dreams. Damn this shaman tobacco! Hostel Relax is deserted, apart from the owner. She gives us a tour - all the way to the local shop and back. We need to get to the city, urgently. First, however, we must cross the White Bridge. Rusting and unloved, the white ...
Continue reading ...Our bus pulls into Budapest at 23:00. The bus station is a sea of blue and red lights. Riot police are everywhere. We have no money, no map and no idea where our hostel is. Football fans flood the streets. Gods, what have we done? We abandoned Simon in Krakow, as he flies home tomorr...
Continue reading ...We awake in linen shirts, our heads pounding from wine and song. We break out fast on preaches, plums and pastries. Yoghurt with honey compliments strong coffee. We mope and despair. We are bohemians. Heading to the park, we read and continue to criticise one another's artwork. Before long, ...
Continue reading ...Breakfast involves a waffle covered in jam and punching the machine. I still fail to break 900. My wrist feels shattered. Arriving back in Krakow, we make a big decision. To be bohemians. Lunch involves 2 litres of red wine and lots of cigarettes. We criticise one another's operas. Especi...
Continue reading ...My eyes creak open and the world spins. My wrist throbs with a dull pain, born of over-punching. After showering, we stalk the streets with one thing on our minds: feats of strength. There is only one problem...the night before. A bottle of vodka and fifteen litres of beer may not have been the ...
Continue reading ...Four hours after I head to bed, I wake up. My throat burns. The thirst is outrageous. The drinking will likely kill me. Feverish sleep reclaims me. I dream of punching. Punching 900. Suddenly, Matt is awake. Chaos descends. Next thing I know, my blade is in hand and I am swinging it ab...
Continue reading ...The bus station is refusing to sell us a bus ticket to Zakopane. Moments ago we had a bus ticket and a bus...now we have neither! How has this happened?! Polaaaaaaaand!! It has come to pass that we have missed our bus, through feasting. What's more, our attempts to exchange our ticket were ...
Continue reading ...We have not travelled far, but reality is now a long way behind us. Societal norms are distant memories. What it means to be As Man has changed forever. I fear we cannot return. Nothing matters now. Nothing but the songs we will sing of these days. Nothing but ensuring every minute is sapp...
Continue reading ...We start the day with wine. A bottle each. This is life. This is pain. This is Poland. Lunch involes pizza, pasta...and scallops James. What these are, we know not at all. But they are hot. So hot. Simon burns his giant, alien hands. Scallps James...what hast thou doenst? We take a seat...
Continue reading ...We are trapped in a square. How this happened – a mystery. Apparently, we visited the castle. Oh yes, Simon is here. He is enormous. We are convinced he shouldn't be here for another day at least. We did not plan for this... We meet him in the street. We are not human - we are essential...
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