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Climbing Mount Doom

Today, I climbed Mount Doom. For those too boring to be familiar with Lord of the Rings, please see below: The ascent of the mountain, which is actually a volcano called Mount Ngauruhoe, starts a couple of hours into the Tongariro Crossing. Alas, I was told by my shuttle bus driver that I wou...

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Views from a Mountain

I have a problem. Actually, I have a few. I have been sitting in New Plymouth (not the most rocking town in the world) since Tuesday afternoon, waiting to climb conquer the local piece of badassery - Mount Taranaki, 2600m high and the most lethal mountain in New Zealand. My problem is that New...

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Mental Warfare

Today, it is way too cold to climb Mount Taranaki. Tomorrow the weather will be better. So I wait... ...and eat cake...and drink tea...and stare at Mount Taranaki. I'm getting inside its head. Psyching it out for the big day. I'm playing mind games with a mountain. This is mental warfar...

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Plugging In. Charging.

Wellington. I turned up here on a whim to see Tenacious D and, a week later, I cannot leave. Every day, I wake up in time to check out of my hostel, intent on leaving the city... Every night, I check back into my hostel and vow to leave on the morrow. It is no use. I am smitten. I spend...

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The Plane of Destiny

Today was meant to be my first day in Nelson and, to be fair, it was. It was, however, also my last day in Nelson. I have already left... But let me start at the beginning of this silly tale. After failing to climb the Franz Josef glacier due to financial restraints (I am bankrupt), I caught a l...

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Forging the Emperor’s Blade

24 years ago this very day, the Great Smith in the Sky forged my own Brother in Thunder, Emperor Matthias Bunn of Murderbeers. With him, I have feasted, reveled and lifted for time immemorial. Together with my Brother in Blood, William Billiam, we carved our path through the cities of Europe and...

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Grits and Shits. All Outta Both…

I don't know if this is a real thing...but I think I might be exhausted. It feels a bit like my body is shutting down; my legs aren't working properly, every part of my lower back aches for reasons I don't understand and the space between the roof of my mouth and my eyeballs feels like it is ...

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Lake Wanaka

Nothing much happened today, friends. I got up, hitched a ride from Frankton to somewhere around Cromwell, and then another one from around Cromwell to Wanaka. My first ride was in a bus, would you believe it? It was being driven by a fantastic old guy, who was driving three girls from the Kiwi E...

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Highway 97

Once I am out of Mossburn, I stop to catch my breath and readjust my backpack, which already weighs a ton. My knees throb and the lunacy of attempting to run 22km in this condition has dawned on me. Still, at least I have made some good distance towards Five Rivers. Casually I check my watch for...

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“I Was A Reporter”

Reading back, I realise I have been documenting my actions far more than my thoughts and feelings recently. Primarily, this is because I have been confused as of late; uncertain as to who I am and my position in life, let alone my ambitions and the progress I may or may not being making towards ful...

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Routeburn Day 3: To The Great Divide

I wake upon the final day of the Routeburn Track and check my clothes. They are drenched. All of them. Squishing myself back into my boots, I hit the road. I shall not be taking my time today. I shall be running, wherever possible - until I reach THE GREAT DIVIDE! In reality, the Divide is just th...

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Routeburn Track Day 1: Road to Routeburn

The Road to Routeburn is largely uneventful. I chase a cow for a kilometre or so, until she manages to find her way back into her field. I expect she will now taste tainted...or something. The scenery is magnificent for the entire walk, but I am aware that I am still unlikely to make the Falls hu...

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