I have returned from the Download Festival, exhausted. Not for the first time in my life (or even this week), I grossly overestimated my endurance. It turns out that climbing Mount Doom, catching a 9-hour bus, drinking all night, sleeping on a sofa, catching a 24-flight and (12-hours later) embar...
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I love it in New Zealand. This place has everything; the people are delightful, there are mountains and lakes absolutely everywhere and the general attitude is positive, pro-active and inspiring. What it doesn't have, however, is very much good music...and hardly any festivals. Specifically, i...
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Today, I climbed Mount Doom. For those too boring to be familiar with Lord of the Rings, please see below: The ascent of the mountain, which is actually a volcano called Mount Ngauruhoe, starts a couple of hours into the Tongariro Crossing. Alas, I was told by my shuttle bus driver that I wou...
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I have just spent a week in Orc Land. [Titter.] See what I did there? Because it's New Zealand...and the Lord of the Rings...and...and... Ah, screw you guys. My brilliance is wasted on you. Only kidding - it's hurtful jokes day, after all! What's that? It isn't? But, they told me....
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Last week, I successfully failed to climb Mount Taranaki. If that doesn't seem like a 'success' to you, you're simply not reading hard enough. Read harder. HARDER!! You'll get there. In short, Taranaki was covered in ice and the local adventurers wouldn't rent me any ice-climbing gear because they...
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One of the very many things I enjoy about Ancient Icelandic literature is the insights into their culture that the language offers. In my Old Norse dictionary, for example, there is no word for harvest. There are, however, 9 different words for battle, 6 for smite, 5 for fight, 5 more for att...
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I have a problem. Actually, I have a few. I have been sitting in New Plymouth (not the most rocking town in the world) since Tuesday afternoon, waiting to climb conquer the local piece of badassery - Mount Taranaki, 2600m high and the most lethal mountain in New Zealand. My problem is that New...
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Today, it is way too cold to climb Mount Taranaki. Tomorrow the weather will be better. So I wait... ...and eat cake...and drink tea...and stare at Mount Taranaki. I'm getting inside its head. Psyching it out for the big day. I'm playing mind games with a mountain. This is mental warfar...
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Wellington. I turned up here on a whim to see Tenacious D and, a week later, I cannot leave. Every day, I wake up in time to check out of my hostel, intent on leaving the city... Every night, I check back into my hostel and vow to leave on the morrow. It is no use. I am smitten. I spend...
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Today was meant to be my first day in Nelson and, to be fair, it was. It was, however, also my last day in Nelson. I have already left... But let me start at the beginning of this silly tale. After failing to climb the Franz Josef glacier due to financial restraints (I am bankrupt), I caught a l...
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24 years ago this very day, the Great Smith in the Sky forged my own Brother in Thunder, Emperor Matthias Bunn of Murderbeers. With him, I have feasted, reveled and lifted for time immemorial. Together with my Brother in Blood, William Billiam, we carved our path through the cities of Europe and...
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The time has come to leave Wanaka. There is much to do here, but I am exhausted and cannot do it justice. Instead, I pack my bags and walk a few kilometres to the main road. Here, after much waiting around, I manage to hitch a lift 300km from Wanaka to Franz Josef, via Lake Hawea. I am too tir...
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I don't know if this is a real thing...but I think I might be exhausted. It feels a bit like my body is shutting down; my legs aren't working properly, every part of my lower back aches for reasons I don't understand and the space between the roof of my mouth and my eyeballs feels like it is ...
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Nothing much happened today, friends. I got up, hitched a ride from Frankton to somewhere around Cromwell, and then another one from around Cromwell to Wanaka. My first ride was in a bus, would you believe it? It was being driven by a fantastic old guy, who was driving three girls from the Kiwi E...
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Today, my hangover told me it was the 19th of May - the birthday of Emperor Matt Bunn. (It is not the 19th of May. It is the 15th of May. I now realise this.) To honour him, I took inspiration from a large group of tourists in town, who were taking it in turns to climb upon a decorative rock and...
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Once I am out of Mossburn, I stop to catch my breath and readjust my backpack, which already weighs a ton. My knees throb and the lunacy of attempting to run 22km in this condition has dawned on me. Still, at least I have made some good distance towards Five Rivers. Casually I check my watch for...
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Today, I shall hitch hike back to Queenstown from Te Anau, after a week of walking in the mountains. Sarah and I have managed to get as far as Mossburn; I have jumped out at the turnoff for Queenstown and she has continued on to Dunedin, on her way back home to Candada. So here I stand, on Highway...
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Reading back, I realise I have been documenting my actions far more than my thoughts and feelings recently. Primarily, this is because I have been confused as of late; uncertain as to who I am and my position in life, let alone my ambitions and the progress I may or may not being making towards ful...
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I'm going to be honest here. The Routeburn Track was a bit shit. The walk itself was clearly wonderful, but the weather was simply atrocious. I had hoped to spend at least 3 or 4 days meandering through the mountain pass, having long lunches and taking lots of photographs. Instead, I pract...
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I wake upon the final day of the Routeburn Track and check my clothes. They are drenched. All of them. Squishing myself back into my boots, I hit the road. I shall not be taking my time today. I shall be running, wherever possible - until I reach THE GREAT DIVIDE! In reality, the Divide is just th...
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