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Ranger

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Putting the Rain in Rainforest

If it keeps on raining, the levy's gonna break...and by 'the levy', I mean my list of forest-based adventures. Some Led Zeppelin would be perfect right now, as we relax around the house of Phoenix Murray, wonderful son of Juss Murray. He has provided us with a roof over our heads and a second eve...

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Working Out Down Under

I haven't been here long, but I have come to love exercising and working out in Australia. I find it infinitely more energising than going to the gym in the UK, where even in the summer I have started waddling in stiff and aching from the cold, hunched over and dripping wet, wondering why I even bo...

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Training WITH Adventurethon

Today, I have come to Muscle and Fitenss in Townsville to meet Joel, the mastermind behind Adventurethon. In fact, it was his infectious enthusiasm for the event that got me to upgrade from simply volunteering to help out, to taking part in the Enduro race, being filmed for two TV shows and expan...

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Leeches and Beaches, Tribulation and Sorrow.

When on Guild business, there is only one acceptable way of doing things: 1. Turn up in a blaze of glory 2. Discover the fiercest or most impressively-named feature of the local area 3. Conquer it In the already fantastically-named Cape Tribulation, the most intimidating landmass happens to be Mou...

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Rain Forests and Pain Forests

After a day of hiking around Mossman Gorge in the Daintree Rainforest, we have returned to Port Douglas. Here, it is imperative that I perform a feat of strength. For tonight it is the Full Moon. Alas, finding feats of strength in a tourist town like this is not easy. Of hats, there are plent...

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Adventurethon 2013

Somehow, friends, I did it. 13km of open sea kayaking, 22km of mountain biking and 12km of trail running in the midday Australian summer heat. It was horrendously hard...but not for the reasons I expected. I expected the kayaking to be the killer. I'd never tried it before and I was certain I'...

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Burn In Heaven

I have not finished...but I am finished. I am also lost. In the Australian bush. God damn it. I have nothing left. The kayaking stole my strength, the mountain biking crushed my spirit and now here I am, face down in the sand. I am not getting up. I don't even want to. This is the most e...

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Send Rum!

By the time I pick up my mountain bike, my mind and body have separated. My body is a shell; a hollow, useless husk. Yet my mind is aflame. For the first time since I signed up for the Enduro Adventurethon, I believe I can complete it. A seemingly impossible 13km of sea kayaking are behind ...

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THE GUILDSMAN COMETH!

“If you don't know how to kayak, you may as well give up now.” So says this professional, in his pre-Adventurethon interview. Clearly he has never met an adventurer of The Guild before. We never give up. Ever. And we don't know how to do anything! Due to the weather (there has just be...

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Hubris in Paradise

I cannot kayak. This I now know for a fact. A deeply concerning fact... After a morning of exploring Townsville, I hitch a ride with over to Magnetic Island with Derek from Winner Kayaks. He is kindly lending me both a sea kayak and a mountain bike for tomorrow's Adventurethon. He has sugge...

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Costralianation

Names can be deceptive. This room, for example, should not be called the Virgin Lounge. Thus far, it has been a massive disappointment. In good news, the Guardians of Australia let me in! I knew they would. I'm obviously harmless and couldn’t find illegal work even if I wanted it, for which ...

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A Hat Full of Skyfall

Exactly 12 hours after we leave London, we arrive in Singapore. The intermittent time has been a blur of free sandwiches and watching hundred-million dollar movies on a faded 10 inch LCD display, through one side of my headphones. In an attempt to stave off sleep until it's Australian bedtime (th...

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Organisational Clusterfuck

Generally speaking, I don't prepare for things. I prefer to leap at things and see how they, and I, cope with the situation. However, there are certain essential items for any adventure I intend to undertake. So, in an uncharacteristically organised spree, I attempted to buy some things for my fo...

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I Want To Climb Trolltunga

1100 metres above sea level, jutting out 700 metres above lake Ringedalsvatnet in Western Norway...is Trolltunga. I want to go there...and caper. Here is why. For one thing, its name means Troll's Tongue in Norwegian. If that isn't enough to make you want to ascend it, you're in the wrong place ...

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Day Fourteen: Punching a Hydra

We have two goals for my final day in Poland: 1. Visit Memento Park to see statues from communist Budapest. 2. Pilgrimage to the statue of a man punching a hydra. We get up early, ten litres of beer from the night before still sloshing around in our bodies. Matt has damaged his toe by stubbing ...

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