--- This post is adapted from a letter I wrote to a lovely man called Carl, who received my book A Rum Run Awry as a father’s day gift. When I came to write up the story for my blog, I realised that my letter to Carl was close to being the best summary I was capable of writing, so here it is. ---...
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After 96 intense hours, the days leading up to and including Tough Guy 2016 have finally released me from their carnival of madness. I don't have the words to describe them. I really don't. Possibly because I am physically and mentally exhausted, but possibly also because the descriptive potentia...
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Two years ago, I announced on this blog that I was "working on something". Well, it's finally finished - and you can pre-order it right here, right now! It's a 300+ page, fully illustrated adventure diary, written by me and set in the world of Darrell Thorpe's illustrations. And it looks a...
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Photos from Tough Guy Nettle Warrior 2014 have been popping all over the place over the last fortnight. They first starting appearing on Yahoo News, in which I appeared as part of their Pictures of the Week - alongside a view of the Earth from space: After that, various other pictures ...
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This week, the Guild struck out for the Lake District in search of a secret cave somewhere in the Langstrath Valley. Simon set out on Tuesday afternoon and picked me up in Sheffield. Even if we couldn't find the cave that day, we were hoping for a sneak peak into the valley when we arrived. Alas,...
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This weekend, effectively gate-crashing a romantic getaway for my good friend Sam Steak Davis and his delightful girlfriend Rosie, the Guild descended upon Pembroke in Wales with the intention of going deep water soloing. For the confused amoungst you; Deep-water soloing (DWS) is a form of solo roc...
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This morning, I got up at 05:30 and drove my brother Will to the airport. He is flying to Estonia, to cycle around the country for three weeks. I am purple with jealousy and respect. Although there are too few moneys in my bank account and too many events in my calendar to allow me to go with him...
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Today, I climbed Mount Doom. For those too boring to be familiar with Lord of the Rings, please see below: The ascent of the mountain, which is actually a volcano called Mount Ngauruhoe, starts a couple of hours into the Tongariro Crossing. Alas, I was told by my shuttle bus driver that I wou...
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I have a problem. Actually, I have a few. I have been sitting in New Plymouth (not the most rocking town in the world) since Tuesday afternoon, waiting to climb conquer the local piece of badassery - Mount Taranaki, 2600m high and the most lethal mountain in New Zealand. My problem is that New...
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Today, it is way too cold to climb Mount Taranaki. Tomorrow the weather will be better. So I wait... ...and eat cake...and drink tea...and stare at Mount Taranaki. I'm getting inside its head. Psyching it out for the big day. I'm playing mind games with a mountain. This is mental warfar...
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When on Guild business, there is only one acceptable way of doing things: 1. Turn up in a blaze of glory 2. Discover the fiercest or most impressively-named feature of the local area 3. Conquer it In the already fantastically-named Cape Tribulation, the most intimidating landmass happens to be Mou...
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1100 metres above sea level, jutting out 700 metres above lake Ringedalsvatnet in Western Norway...is Trolltunga. I want to go there...and caper. Here is why. For one thing, its name means Troll's Tongue in Norwegian. If that isn't enough to make you want to ascend it, you're in the wrong place ...
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At 08:30 we awoke, less magnificently than the day before, but still pretty magnificently, in the car. Having spent 8 hours driving 311 miles until 04:00, but failing to find anywhere to stay, we eventually pulled into a car park, reclined our seats and alternately frozen and boiled our way into the...
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At 08:30 we awoke, magnificently, in Truck Haven. After conquering Snowdon the night before, we had set out at midnight for Scafell Pike, covering 150 miles of our 216-mile drive before practically falling asleep at the wheel. Two enormous breakfasts later, we were back on the road, wending our w...
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Bored with the lack of adventure of everyday life, Simon and I decided to climb the three peaks. We also decided that, given our love for food, beer and epic bleak photography, we didn't want to rush up and down in 24 hours, as is traditional. Instead, we set out for a long weekend of conquering...
Continue reading ...As Champion of Murderbeers, my responsibilities are vast and never-ending. Quash a rebellion here, fend off the Ice Giants there; if it's not killing one thing, it's conquering another. So, when the Emperor looked out from Murder Mount and realised that England, Scotland and Wales ALL have tal...
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